OOOOH Nice new look

Well it's good to see LJ has a nice new set up thing, I think lol. I haven't been here for so long who would have noticed. That's the problem with Myspace addicts though! MUST HAVE!!!!!!

Jamie called me today after a while, and to think he is almost finished his 1st year of uni, lol it was a little funny though that his batteries kept falling out of his phone while we were talking and I ended up talking to mid air lol, but it's all good. Speaking of Uni Cassie is finishing her course (Honours in Applied Science) in a few weeks just in time for her 21st birthday. Although her course was 3 years, her 12st year was only 6 weeks long, so she has been busy over the last couple of years. She lives in Brisbane now too, staying in Raymont, which is apparently a good place to stay. For her birthday, we are having a medieval party, which ought to be interesting, although I still don't know for sure what I'm coming as. Hmm..

I think my family problems have resolved significantly, which is good, so I no longer feel the direct urge to move out. I've spent most of this week studying Ephesians, as part of a course module, and it seems that there is just so much in those few chapters, that bring everything into perspective. God's truth is supreme. Although we are on holiday now for 2 weeks, I have to write what each line of Phillipians means lol, through study and some such. The reason I want to finish that assessment is in order to enrol into another 2 modules (there are 11 modules and I have enrolled in 2) before the year finishes. That will give me 9 weeks to finish them off, before the college breaks. The other module was Defining and Defending the faith, which was really quite interesting. Similar to Study of Religion at school except it looks at human ideologies instead. I chose evolution to write my assessment speech on and it came out quite well, I would say. It was more focused on theistic evolution, as the criteria wanted, which affirmed that such things were not possible.

My stint at education support is over, and I enjoyed the experiences very much. It seems kids flock to me with obsession and joy. I don't know why, but it was alot of fun. Unfortunately the role of such an industry as become nothing but a legalistic framework of which I detest. Humanitarianism is so much better than the legalities of life, and I will not change for their system. That being said, I am unsure where I want togo with it. But still since I am soon to be running 3 courses at once!!!!! I think things will come together in the end.

A whispered sigh

For those of you who do not know what has been going on in the last two months at least are about to know.

Let me tell you a story first of all. 20 years ago this Wednesday my parents got married. However, the marriage was based on resentment. Firstly cause mum had first told dad that they would only ever be friends and secondly dad was after my mum because of a bet to try and see if he could get her. Dad's first wife was now gone after running away with his best friend before becoming a drug addict and lesbian (she has since recovered however.) But nevertheless they got married and I was born in Sydney.

Dad was what you might call a great business man and would be able to provide a lot of money and would of had a lot of wealth. However, he worked so long hours and as mum was looking after me she would often cry alot as she was very lonely. As a result of this she cuddled with another man on occassion, although there was no sex involved. She told Dad and although he could have left her, he didn't and so forgave her. But then we moved to the Gold Coast and so Dad was resentful because he had to leave his family and money behind and now has to constantly work to keep the money coming in.

Life went on although they really lived like flat mates without much physical cuddling and dad had had a vasectomy anyway. And so this lifestlye went on obliviously to me until I became an adult at 18.

However, Dad was now 55 and suffered a mid-life crisis. He had so much resentment. This led him to have an affair with a friend and business associate whos life he wants to save. As he is unable to have sex, they mostly tried experiments, but the main reason he also goes to her house was as a drinking partner and perhaps a counsellor.

The affair went on for 2 months until Mum decided to go around to her house one night to see if Dad was there, after she had overheard things and grown suspicious. I was in the car as well, after just finishing work, but wouldn't you know it, his car was there. So went back again the next night and the next night and he was there again. He lied to mum saying he was playing cards and could never be honest about his whereabouts. He was very vague. He also used to come home really late at night. 3,4 o'clock in the morning whilst we were sleeping.

Mum had wanted enough proof to see if he was there everynight of that week. It was now day 4 and a Thursday, so mum was ready to set out again using my car. I had gone on the last 3 occassions but decided not to go that night as Thursday night was the only night that had decent television. So mum set out alone just before 9pm. It should have taken an hour at most to see if dad was there, however, the night dragged on, as I saw tv show after tv show come to a finish until it was past 11pm and approaching midnight. I was concerned for my mums safety in case something bad had happened, however, my fear was subsided when I saw both cars arrive together. They were shouting.

Dad had actually parked his car around the corner of her house and mum did not know he was there so she had waited for him. However, Dad left and so mum ended up following him all the way home. The arguments over the months had been severe and in the end mum who barely wants him here anymore had decided that he was not allowed to see her again and that was agreed.

That lasted only a week before last night after I had finished working mum had done a search for dad at all the pubs to see if he was there, but before we went home she looked at a few more and decided to check her house once again and asked God to let all things be true. It was. Mum noticed Dad's baldhead in the window and banged on the door loudly, whilst i waited in the car on a dark street. After 5 minutes she came back and said hat he was there, he had parked his car in her garage and that he and his friend wanted to discuss it and that I was to be there too. It was very uncomfortable. I had always liked dad's friend and seeing my parents have a flat converstaion, whilst she played the "counsellor" was disheartening and I felt so dejected and wanted to cry. Mum eventually walked out and we left to go home.

Anyway that's the story. And at the moment I am blocking (so that I won't let it in as I have problems of my own to deal with) but all I can say is the future of this family looks grim and even though dad will still work here, he may not be able to stay here. I, myself have never wished myself away from home as I have today.
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    depressed depressed

Oh, hello

Ok, so I have neglected this journal for a while, but actually I have been posting journals on MySpace instead. Also I have Broadband now and it's very hard in between discussions with the Dalai Lama.

For any relevant news from MySpace however I may mention I have passed the 1st 3 of my modules and have 2 pending marking and have obtained the last 2 for the core part of the course. The last two might be harder because they require more of an effort as did the 3rd last modules which was easy but required 6 signatures from relevant people, and that can be difficult. But nevertheless I got the people to sign there life away. Oh did I say that out loud!

I dyed my hair white, temporarily of course, for a horror hop, which was interesting to say the least. I got Morgan's email address, which was good consdiering he lives in Brisbane and although I had only met him once before he seems nice.

Jamie rang me once so far in between his tutorials and is apparently doing well, with perhpas a problem in one of the group tasks. He couldn't talk long obviously.

In 3 weeks I'll be starting at Trinity, which at the moment seems scary, althoguh I do know a few people there and probably sohuldn't worry as I'm young, but I suppose it will be real work lol. Which is more than I can say for Coles. We now have another new grocery manager who expects way to much. Firstly instead of 5 people per day it's been cut back to 4 yet we are still expected to complete it all in 3 hours, with is only occassionally possible depending on which aisles you get, but get a customer that needs help and say goodbye to finishing.

Well just a quick update for now.
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    lonely lonely

New Beginnings

Well today my church's junior/senior/uni age groups all went to Wet'n'Wild. Cassie and some of my other older friends were there and if I had spent the day with them I would still of had an enjoyable time, but today I did sometihng a little different.

Matt, a friend I met form my testimony, asked me to go on a slide with him when I saw him arrive and so I suddenly left my friends and follwed him, where we met up with some other people I know from church and school. So for the rest of the day I spent my time with these younger people(14-16 mostly) and it was always different depending when some memebers of the group went elsewhere or got lost. Although Nick Penman and a few of his friends were there as well. So was Stacey Gray, a nice girl from school who graduated last year.

Mammoth falls was amazing when I went down with Matt, Sam Rasmussen and Jason Gray. I like Matt, he is kind, but he seems rebellious at the same time. While I manned the "ship" the other three jumped out of it and while 2 stayed close, Sam was left metres away and couldn't catch up, though it was funny to see him swimming. We were nearing the end, and I thought we'd get into trouble for sure. However, as we were nearing the second last bend they somehow manged to form a chain whilst one of them was holding onto the raft and they managed to all jump back in and straighten themsleves up just for the last bend, it was an amazing escape. I enjoyed the day, but also had the feeling that I don't belong to any of the groups at church, but at least I'm getting to know them all better.

Work is screwed. It's good they cut one of my days for I needed to lose one anyway, but they have changed the aisle blocks around. Usually we'd have 5 blocks, so if you were given a 1, you'd do all the aisles under block one, namely: 1,7 and Health & Elec. Even then some blocks, 1 & 2 in particular were hard to finish, but now they have squuezed the 5 blocks into 4 and rearranged the aisles under the blocks and we still have the same amount of time to do it in. It's crazy.

Also they are annoying me with the mirror shelves (very top one)cause some know-it-all in charge who thinks he owns the store (like most people in our shop do) told me to put the stock below onto the mirror shelf (I had bloeck 1 at the time too). I told him that they were deciding on Monday (the day being Friday) whether or not we were to put the stock up or bring it all down and have nothing on the mirror shelves. But he said that HE had decided and that HE did not like the look of the gaps in the mirrors. Well I did what he said, all the time furious and wanting to punch his lights out or better yet have someone blow up the store, though it was a horrendous job and very time consuming, when a few days later I found out that everyone was being told to bring the stock DOWN. Let's just say he wont want to come near me anytime soon.

As for my course, well it's actually started, see it's an external course, save for the practical work I have to do for assessment, which is done at a school I can get into and the best thing about external courses are you can finish them as quickly as you like and then move on to the next module. Well we have till the end of Feb for our first assignment so hopefully I'll finish quicker.

In other news I got a message on the answering machine from Jamie saying he was moving out today, first to Brisbane then to Toowoomba.

Great news as well, after 3 years years when I finally tracked down Sean Keating, I sent him a letter and he replied on email so I was thrilled.

So many new things.
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    hot hot

Farewell life of old. For now you are gone, naught but bitter cold.

Well, things have seemed busy lately, not really, but they seem busy. I guess work picked up and I was doing 20 hour weeks and I got a new staff member to train. My STUDENT is doing well, and they gave me an extra work day just to help him.

Andre and Jamie are moving away soon. I got to see both of them, Andre for his birthday and Jamie who stayed a couple of nights. I was so tired afterwards after going to bed at 7:00 in the morning and then 5:00 in the morning the next day. Oh and we only got 3 hours sleep anyway. But they are moving shortly. Andre really soon and Jamie early February. I wish them both good luck anyway. It all feels so surreal to have a whole lot of new friends after spending so much time with these people. I mean sure I'll probably see Jamie and Andre again, but some of the others, well let's say Andre might not see Tom again and Jamie won't see Hamilton again etc. Which even if they didn't want to, those people were still apart of life.

As for me, well I'm staying here. I got accepted to both Griffith and King's and while a teacher's aide course doesn't sound as good as Griffith's, it might just be easier and help me more. Griffith seems so excited to have me too, lol, I almost feel sorry that I have to turn them down, but it is saving time and expense.

Depression can be a terrible thing.
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    depressed depressed

Reflections

Of all the things past, be it hilarious teachers, Germans in cupboards, Snrub, Tomoisms, Sport..., Study periods, people you've adjusted to, Dramas, the peculiar atmosphere, Andre dancing on tables...

All these things just pass away and become nothing but faded memories. Why cant life be recorded so we can go back and watch it later? Isn't life the best story of all?
But these things cannot be, lost forever.

And when you leave school virtually everyone you grew up with just vanishes and we can't keep in touch with anyone cause people are too "busy." Life shouldn't have to work that way.

This year marks the year of new things. New and uncertain.
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    contemplative contemplative

Merry Christmas

Heh Merry Christmas to all and to all goodnight!

I've managed to get 4 days of work this week which is good considering how much money I spent for Christmas. And can you believe I've spent about $1500 this year! It's incredible!

Some good news is I might get to see more of Mr Johnson cause his church closed down and he might come to mine, which would be interesting, there are alot of Emmanuelites anyway.

Oh well, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
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    sick sick

When your nervous relax with a lovely aspension tan, it increases your spage presence.

Well it looks like I may be speaking at Church this Sunday after all, which is a big move for me I suppose. I am so thankful to God for giving me the opportunity.

Jamie rang me today. He's still unsure about with path to follow in life, like with Christianity for he has so many questions. He told me he ran into Patrick and Renee, the two Tims and Grant at the movies the other night. Typical of them not to invite me.Oh well we're still planning a reunion one of these days, I'm just not sure what to do for it.

Well dancing has almost finished for the year (yes I can dance!) which is a shame, but maybe next year I'll even get into a competition, who knows? In fact everything seems to be finishing for the year.

I think this teacher aide thing mightn't be a bad idea, since Jamie's done the same course.
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    excited excited

(no subject)

Well I went to Speech night last night. Its still hard to believe that we will no longer be the most recent graduates and in fact a whole year has passed.

It was good to see people again and I'm glad Amanda Williams got 1st in German, I wanted her to. Of course that Zhou girl was going to be the next Andre only better. I think she won 10 or 11 awards!

There is quite a number of new staff there too. And I hear some are leaving at the end of the year. I'm not sure who though. I know Miss Peltz is already gone, but I dont know who else.

Mrs Hugo seemed so escited to see me. She was so receptive and kept on saying how good it was to see me. So that was nice. Then I saw Queenie along with Robbo and Mr Lewis and that was a nice reunion. Mrs Giovas and Mrs Gibson of course seemed pleased to see me, it feels so surreal that i haven't seen them for a year. I even got to see Bruce Ward! I wanted to stay in touch with him.

I didn't see Mrs Gair, Miss Ashwood nor Mr Johnson. But then there were so many people already there when I arrived. Mrs Capper is still as funny as usual. From my grade I saw Chryselda and Kwan, Holly and her fiance as in Tom's brother, Racquel, Kristen, Ash N and Leeane, Lauren Parnell and of course Ash Priest. There may have been more that I might have missed.

It was kind of sad too, seeing everyone for so short a period, but so good too. It feels like we missed some good stuff this year. Oh well, I got to meet Luke Hartwig like I wanted to.
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    sad sad